STEROIDS CARROT TOP
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I don't know why, but this picture of Carrot Top makes me think that he might actually be turning into a carrot. Or at least some sort of vegetable. I'm pretty familiar with muscle structure, and it's obvious that there's something very wrong with his face and body. I don't know what a vegetable would look like if it tried to take human shape, but I think it would be a little something like this. The nipples alone suggest we're not dealing with homosapien. And the face? My God, the face. Just looking at it makes me fear for the safety of all mankind. Damn you, vegetable people. Damn you to hell! 
Thanks to Brenda for the horribly disturbing image. In one corner we have the man who actually starred in a movie called The Toughest Man Alive. Weighing in with a couple tons of gold, it's Mr. T. Sure he didn't look so tough when Sly beat him in Rocky III, but that's fiction, not reality. In reality he's tough enough to beat off cancer three times with his bare fists. In the other corner is the most annoying shit ever to waste film, the punk ass doing ATandT commercials, Carrot Top. For the record, Mr. T won the poll by a whopping 20 votes -- the biggest margin on my page ever. I'm assuming that the one vote that Carrot Top received was an error, since no one who counts likes the little fuckspot. Talk of the Tape: Mr. T Carrot Top: "Mya mya mya...I'm the biggest idiot in the world!" Round One: The fight begins as Mr. T is playing a very civilized game of chess with his friend Stephen Hawking. Carrot Top, being the loud annoying idiot that he is, decides to cause some random violence and attacks Mr. T with a hockey stick. Unfortunately for Carrot Top, since Mr. T is in fact the toughest man alive, having gained great strength and invulnerability from wearing over a thousand pounds of gold jewelry around his neck at any given time, he fails to feel the force of Carrot Top's blows. Lost in thought as he ponders his next move against Stephen Hawking, Mr. T doesn't even notice when Carrot Top's hockey stick breaks over his head. Frustrated, Carrot Top attacks Mr. T himself, headbutting him. Once again, Mr. T doesn't notice Carrot Top's attacks, and the fool knocks himself unconscious. Mr. T moves his rook into Stephen Hawking's back row. "Checkmate sucka!" Round One goes to Mr. T, partially because he won in chess against Stephen Hawking and partially because he didn't notice Carrot Top's feeble attacks. Round Two: Getting up and stretching after testing his intellect against the mighty Stephen Hawking (who is a fucking Quake master, by the way), Mr. T decides to go down the the local rec center and teach disadvantaged children how to make ashtrays. Heading off, he nearly trips over a slowly rising Carrot Top. Mildly irritated, Mr. T shoves Carrot Top aside. "Watch where I'm stepping foo!" As Mr. T heads off, Carrot Top decides to attack from the rear. He leaps onto Mr. T's back and starts pounding with all his might. However, all his might means that he can only get the mighty Mr. T's attention. His irritation growing, Mr. T reaches behind him and grabs Carrot Top's head. As the annoying comedian dangles from his hair, Mr. T uses his free hand to pull off one of the golden chains around his neck. "You just picked the wrong person to piss off, sucka." Mr. T wraps his golden chain around Carrot top's head and tightens it. Unable to breath, Carrot Top struggles in vain until his consciousness fades and he passes out. Confident that he has taught his foe a lesson, Mr. T tosses the brat aside and heads off. Round Two goes to Mr. T. Round Three: Carrot Top comes to with no Mr. T in sight. He's about to give up and go home when he gets an idea that might just be crazy enough to work... Looking down at his feet, Carrot Top sees...his shoe! With what he considers a stroke of genius that is sure to defeat his opponent once and for all, Carrot Top removes his shoe and puts it in his mouth. Grinning in victory, he swallows. I'm not sure at exactly what point Carrot Top realizes that his plan is not brilliant but in fact the most buffoonish tactic ever to grace this page, or if he even does realize his own stupidity. What is known is that he chokes to death on his own shoe. Some time later, Stephen Hawking runs over Carrot Top's corpse, not noticing as he is in a hurry to get back to his Quake server. Round Three goes to Mr. T by default, since Carrot Top is dead and Stephen Hawking isn't officially in this matchup. The match naturally goes to Mr. T.
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